a lot of people have asked me where my empowerment journey started. and it’s a great question. while i would love to say honestly, i was born with it, there were so many moments in my life where i lost it along only to realize i had to find it all over again - and that is harder than never losing it to begin with. but isn’t that true for everything?! that being said, i do think there are some things that stem from society that cause us to lose our empowerment but i believe being mindful of them and recognizing them can allow us to keep it!
1 – traditional timelines
i lost all of my empowerment, my confidence and myself when I met a destructive individual. it happens, but i lost myself in him. and i felt the pressure of society to do what women are “supposed to do” – even though those traditional timelines have shifted, they’re still there. i know that I’m “allowed” to have both – a career and a family – but one thing they don’t teach or you allow you to realize is you’re also allowed to have one or the other if you don’t want both. my whole life, i felt that the family thing was a must. and here’s the thing – I DO want it – but society defines it for you and that’s the problem. so i had the career, but i was now about to turn 30 an i didn’t have the family. so i met a guy, he checked some boxes, but the big box he never checked was that he DID NOT TREAT ME RIGHT. and you’d think that would be an obvious, but sometimes it gets lost and you think you need to make “concessions” and yes there is a thing called compromise, but you should NEVER COMPROMISE YOURSELF!2 – put together in every way possible
i loved when Amazon came out with the show “The Marvelous Mrs. Masiel” and the opening scene was her getting out of bed before her husband to do her hair and her make-up and then she quietly put herself back to bed before he got up. a second later, he opens his eyes and she’s “perfect” – i mean WTF?! and don’t get me wrong – if you want to do your make-up, your hair, look nice before you go out, go for it but know that it’s okay to NOT be put together 100% of the time. especially now in the weird times we live in. it’s okay to throw the hair up in a ponytail and throw on yoga pants for the day! it’s okay to be REAL. did you keep your kids alive today? did you feed them and cloth them? did you get the dog outside to relieve themselves? then it’s a good day! and sometimes, that is allowed to be the definition of put together!3 – gender roles
i chuckle to myself on this one a bit - and you'll see why soon enough...i must say, growing up my entire life, these were so very reversed in my household (and BTW NO JUDGEMENT here! it’s just the way it was!) my mom made the decision to drive to DC every day – a 54 miles round trip event that took usually a minimum of 1.5 hours each way because of traffic. my dad took a job closer to home so he could deal with us kids. i was grateful for this since we always had someone to pick us up from practices, make us dinner and be home with us shortly after school was out. and my mom was also the person that would fix the stuff around the house. it’s what she did.
and while i know that she had some strong independence in her and a slew of empowerment that pushed her to do “all the things” I personally would love for a man to do some of those things for me now as an adult. I HEAR YOU! how on earth could i possibly say that especially since I am perfectly happy to learn how to do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING a guy would do?! i just am. i feel like there is a sense of empowerment that comes from understanding and knowing what you’re willing and not willing to do – and this goes for both men and women. i recognize that i am not willing to mow my lawn or shovel snow (i’ll shovel snow but i won’t snow blow!) but it’s true – bottom line on this one – you are empowered to do ANYTHING you want to do. and if you want to stick to traditional gender roles, that is OKAY! there is nothing wrong with that. and if you don’t want to stick to them – that’s OKAY TOO! in a world that i feel has become very divided and has lost the grey areas, it is true to have multiple ways to skin a cat – even here in 2020!!!
what do you think about these? have you had any of these 3 pressures deflate your empowerment and made you find it once more? am i missing any that you feel are definitely in the top 3? are you interested in finding that empowerment once more? ready to find yourself? join my facebook group for highly driven + empowered women and see how others are overcoming societal pressures and finding their empowerment!
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