fur babies - dealing with the grief

fur babies - dealing with the grief
it is without a doubt the truth - dogs lives are too short. their only fault, really.  we love them to absolute death.  the love that a pet gives to us is unconditional. it's so pure. so free. and so forgiving. as human beings we form emotions and thoughts about things and people. we judge. we hold grudges, we get annoyed and we hurt back when we ourselves have been hurt. animals are different. they love us unconditionally. they forgive us when we've scolded them - right or wrong. they can sense when we are upset and provide us comfort. they may drive us crazy from time to time because of their natural instincts, like following their nose or chasing a squirrel, but they always always always forgive us and love us without question.

so losing them isn't easy. and being reminded of that loss is traumatic and hard. today is my golden retrievers 8th birthday.  or it should have been. i'll write more about how i lost her next month which marks 1 year since she's been gone. but today is a day i didn't realize i would never get again. and that makes it very hard. 

do you get it? there are some people who don't understand what grieving a pet is like. they believe it's easy for you to "just get a new one" or "it was just a dog" or some other line that sounds endearing in their mind but is so harsh to the person who's grieving's heart. it's demeans it as if it "wasn't as bad as BLANK" but in reality, that person's entire world has changed.

the grief is real... there are many outlets for grief and the way to cope with a loss of a pet is very similar to losing a human loved one as well. for me, i was lucky enough to have other little fur babies to love on. hazel gets even more attention, whether she wants it or not, and penny (the cat) does as well!  and we all know she hates it since, well, let's be honest, she's a cat! between them helping me hold it together, talking frequently with friends and family who understood, as well as some essential oil support, i was able to go through the series of emotions that followed with the support i needed: guilt, denial, anger and some depression. cali's life was cut short and it was unfair. did i do enough for her? was she really that sick and would she really just leave me? why didn't the vets do more? and why her? all of those were questions that ran through my mind and upset me since there were no answers that would ever be enough.

feeling the feels... the best thing i could do is feel the feels - as much as it hurt. cope with them the best i could. reminding myself of how much she loved me and how much i loved her. remind myself that i needed to stay strong for both hazel and penny and most of all for myself. because cali would have wanted that. cali would have wanted me to be happy - after all, everything she did in life was to make me happy. to see me anything but would devastate her and i cannot let her down.

not even a little bit easy... the best thing i could do then and now is feel the feels, as much as it hurt. and cope with them the best i could. reminding myself of how much she loved me and how much i loved her. remind myself that i needed to continue to be an exceptional fur mom for both hazel and penny and most of all for myself - because through all of this i also deserve happiness. because cali would have wanted that. cali would have wanted me to be happy - after all, everything she did in life was to make me happy. to see me anything but would devastate her and i cannot let her down.

all for you cali... today i posted on instagram my little homage to her for her 8th birthday. to me she deserved at least one more since i didn't know that last year would be her last while she was here with us on earth. today she is running a muck up in heaven over the rainbow bridge with my woodster. probably getting into halloween candy again! she was a very sweet dog with such a kind hearted demeanor. she loved every human she met and judged them only based on the number of pets that they gave her. and she was a master at getting a ton! she was one of a kind, as they all are, and she will be forever my little girl, even when she clocked in at 85 lbs! i wouldn't trade her for the world and fought very hard for her in the divorce. and while legally, she was almost not my dog, she always was and she knew it. even when i didn't know it fully. 

live everyday to your fullest. even on the hard days. feel the feels. embrace them. sometimes they are harder and sometimes they are easier, but you're feeling them and that's the important part of it all. valor and joy gave me the strength to carry on once she left this earth. and hazel and penny remind me daily of the love that our fur babies give to us. and they continue to love me unconditionally, and i know cali does too, even if she's not here still to shove her head under my hand to give her all the pets that she deserves.